On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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