i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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