gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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