the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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