She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
