You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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