sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
