I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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