Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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