this beer tastes like vomit already
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
