the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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