so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
