Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
