He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
