So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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