I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
