At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
