i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I need to align my fucking chakras
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
