I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
