put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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