Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
