my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
