even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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