Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
