so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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