The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
