Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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