I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
