It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
