Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
