I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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