what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
