i barfeds in our rink
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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