He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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