Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
