I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
