I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
