I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
