Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize