talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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