She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
