Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
