you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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