I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
