Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
