i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
