Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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