Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
