I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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