There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize