Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
