worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
