We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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