Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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