You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
