I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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