I puked a lego.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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