The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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