I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
