Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
