just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I will pee on everything he values.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
