um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
