Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
