I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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