Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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