Acid is not a monday night drug
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
