Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
