i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
