i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
