How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize