my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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