The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
birth control should be required to get into college
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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