Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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