I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
