i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
