allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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