you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
