I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
