You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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