We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
