I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I pour the whiskey from now on
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My life is pants optional.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
