my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
