I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize