I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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