I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
