when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
