Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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