she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
