I was born with a shot glass in my hand
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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