but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You need a sexual gate keeper
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize