Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
