I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
