No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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