And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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