I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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