we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
