my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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