In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
