Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
