I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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