I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
