My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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