Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
