You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
