so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
