Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize