Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
