Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
