Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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