Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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