you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
