cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
